so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
