I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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