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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
