maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
