12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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