nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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