He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
that is very illegal...i love you.
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