ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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