she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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