my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
