Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
