i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
