my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
