Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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