life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
