did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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