haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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