update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
