you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
