my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet he comes in French.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
