I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
