Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
