By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
