The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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