it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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