Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
