I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
