Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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