My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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