proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
