I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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