That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
