my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
