I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My vagina just recognized that song.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
my liver is dry heaving
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
