fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
