I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
