They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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