I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
