woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
