it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's get the cat blown out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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