i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Drunk is not a location!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
