I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath