fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
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this must be what syphilis tastes like
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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