I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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