why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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