you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.