Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
