Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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