Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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