p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
