You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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