She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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