so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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