I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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