the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
