he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
