just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
