Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
operation have a gay friend backfired
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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