I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
