the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
