I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
