I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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