do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
