u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
