you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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