just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like, not good at living.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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