i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
