I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
