I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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