She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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