Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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