quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
