Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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