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You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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