dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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