Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
