thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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