I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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